He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
