Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
