i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
