What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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