Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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