I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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