four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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