I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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