the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
