Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
