This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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