I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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