we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
