rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
