i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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