i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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