It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You ruined the universe
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
