i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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