So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I deserve this hangover.
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