Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
