Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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