Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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