omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
