is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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