I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
