I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
