New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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