NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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