worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
