I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
