Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
