I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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