OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
