I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
