Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
