Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
