3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
