i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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