Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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