you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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