Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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