I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
