im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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