I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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