Umm I'm too high to move.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
