I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
