I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you will always have a special place in my vag
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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