Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
