I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
