You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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