I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
