You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
